My husband of 20 years died unexpectedly 10 weeks ago today. He was only 45, the love of my life and my best friend. He was due to be released from the hospital and something happened. There was an inaccurate reading of his tests and his fatal condition was overlooked and he died the next day. It's difficult enough just losing him. Me and our son are having a terrible time coping with the loss and the anger from this "mistake" that led to his death. What do we do to get past the anger? We grieve and then we're hurt and angry... it's an emotional roller coaster. Why do I still feel in the back of my mind that I can have someone "fix it"? To call it an error or mistake is offensive to me. You can fix errors and mistakes usually. I'm an adult and can't filter all these emotions, so I'm extremely worried about my 14 year old son.

My friend was hit and killed on the night of April 9, 2011. Will the pain ever ease a little? She is all I can think of. It will probably affect my grades. Is there any way to help ease the pain?

What is the best way for me to support my daughter-in-law as she grieves over the sudden death of her father?

  I lost my dad when I was two. I’m 19 now. Is it normal not to be over the fact the he's gone?

My grandfather was like my father. I basically had to watch him die in front of my eyes in the hospital in less than 2 hours. It happened so fast I still cry every other day, and I feel it happened so fast that it's hard to find closure. How do I find closure and find a way to take this as a step to get stronger?

My 40 year old son was recently divorced, not his doing and now he has lost his father. He seems to be shutting down and bottling up his grief. He lives in another state. What can I as his mom say that will help him. His dad and I were divorced. Thank you.

I avoided visiting my parents for many years because my father was so abusive to my mother and I could not bear the pain I saw him cause her. She died in 1998. I still feel so very guilty that I did not break through that anger that kept me away and travel to be with her each year. She was so very forgiving that this generous, forgiving heart of hers is the only thing that keeps me from suffering . She forgives me I know. It has been so many years now. Does the grief ever stop?

On April 27^th, 2010, my 19-year-old brother passed away in a car accident. I am 24 and have a two year old son. I feel as though I lost my brother and my mother on the same day. Although we lost the same person, our grief is no where near the same. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, but my mother's grieving is the same today as it was on that day.

With the one year mark approaching, I am wondering what i can do to encourage her to grieve in a more healthy way. She insists on calling my son by the nickname she had for my brother, something she did not do before his death. I want to protect my son from expectations he cannot possibly achieve, but also support my mother's grieving process. She is still blaming anything and anyone for his death and talks about him at the most inappropriate times. I am not afraid to talk about him, nor do I avoid doing so. But she brings up memories that are completely unrelated to the topic at hand quite frequently. How can I help her?

Dear J &R, I lost my dad April 10th so it's been a little less than a year. We were so so close. My dad was only 53 when he died suddenly. My dad was always afraid he would die young because his dad died when he was 53, so now I have this same thought as he did. I'm just like him and I'm afraid that I too will die at 53! I'm only 30 but can't help think that I also will be a diabetic and have a blood clot as my dad and his father did.

How can I get past the thought that I only have 23 years left, I know that know one knows the future but how do I get past these feelings? My other question is I am still angry and upset that I was not at the hospital when it happened I got the phone call at 3 am. I can't get past that I was not with him by his side every night. I have the same bad dream of running to the elevator at the hospital beating on the buttons till the doors open and running down the hall to his room! Not one night since his death have I slept without having this dream. I'm sure you can understand how this can affect every part of me and the day. Please help!!

Good Morning John & Russell,

I am a devoted Christian Woman and I have just barely begun (3 weeks), a relationship with a Sweet, Beautiful Christian man and within the last three weeks his Mother returned to the hospital with the return of cancer throughout her body. After five days of being in the hospital in ICU she lost her life and returned Home to be with the Lord in Heaven.

During the time this man's Mother was in the hospital and since I have let him know through Bible Scripture and brief personal sentiments, that I am deeply sorry for his great loss and that I am praying for him and his family via email, texting and phone conversations.

Question: Is it appropriate to mail a sympathy card to him? What else can I do to be supportive to him during this time? I too, know what it is like to lose a parent, I lost my Wonderful Father almost six years ago? I appreciate your answers and feedback to my questions. You see, I feel maybe this could be the man I have been praying to the Lord for to come into my life and be a future mate.

My wife Adelle went to heaven on 25 Mar 2010. We were married for 25 years. She suffered terribly with ALS for 8 years she was only 50 years old! I am so very sad and lonely without her—all I think about is being with her. I really don't want to live—but, we have one son who is 21 and he needs me. I absolutely hate living without the love of my life. My life is awful! I am very accustomed to loss. Both parents died when I was young, and I lost many friends in Vietnam combat. Adelle was my life!!! Question: Will this sickening, awful feeling ever improve?

During the course of 2008 and 2009 my husband and myself were tragically going through differing issues. I was experiencing Liver Failure and had to have surgery, he was loosing his job as a HS Teacher, thus we were loosing our home, cars and everything imaginable. He wanted to continue work rather then stay as he would never get a teaching job again there because of the economy and his age. So we moved to VA and 5 weeks later he disappears. I was able to track him down as I received an on slough of insurance papers in the mail 7 weeks after he left. He had ALL Leukemia with extensive involvement in the brain. What symptoms I took for depression and grief for so many other things was actually in part symptoms we never even thought of. I can not get him to come home as he returned to his parents in California (56 YO). They are foreign nationals and clannish like Italians and Irish. They believe I did some horrid thing, too long to mention thus am an enemy. They have cut me out, but there is so much they don't know about him or his illness. Needless to say, it has been 18 months and he has lived longer then the norm of 11 months. NO ONE makes it past 2 years with his illness so their is not any hope of recovery. I feel so violated and cheated that I can not spend the last few months with my husband of 15 years. I don't even think I am going to be allowed to go to his funeral as they will not tell me anything let alone when he dies. My mom died in the middle of all this, I lost most everything we owned and I am in a place where I would not have been had he not wanted a job. Days seem unbearable at times, and I am told I am going through Anticipatory Grief. But is there any help for me? What can I do? At times I feel like a horrid wife and daughter in law. Most of my family is gone. I have one son 28, that is a disabled vet. He has his own problems, I can not lean there. Does your book cover this? I know of countless people I have run across where families of dementia, Alzhimer's, brain cancer and other brain disorders that are going through this all the time. My story though unusual I am finding is not unique. There are just not many of us like this. Now my husband doesn't remember most of our marriage and won't talk to me. Help Please.

Back in February, my best friend was killed in a car accident. My heart is broken. I don't feel good about anything. When I do start to feel half-way good for a minute, it hits me again and I feel so sad. I almost seem to shake it, but its tough because I keep wishing I would have been able to say goodbye or something. The same thing happened with my dad, who died on the operating table. Never saying goodbye is so painful, so frustrating. I ask God to let me talk to her. Will it happen?

I have lost my dad, and a husband in the last 14 years. My dad passed away in May of 1997, and my husband, May in 2000. I am still having difficulty moving on with my life. Every time a certain song, or their anniversaries are near, I get so sad and depressed, and I cry often. Is it normal to be grieving even after all this time? I relive their deaths every year. My dad died on May 2nd, and my husband died on May 14th. It's a very hard time for me. Do you have any insight on what I am experiencing? Thanks for your time. God Bless. Mindy

I lost two husbands within nine years - one to a heart attack and one to liver cancer. The last one was a year and a half ago and I thought I was doing better. I went to see the doctor and also moved to a new apt. The thing is, sometimes I cant even get out of bed. Sometimes I don't leave the apartment for days. Is this normal? I keep thinking that one day I'm just gonna have a complete break down.

I lost my fiancé back in July, 2010. He was my everything. It hurts as bad as it did when it first happened, but when I think of it I get extremely angry. Is this normal?

How do I respond to family members who seem critical of my grieving, who tell me to "move on", "you're self-absorbed", "self-destructive" and other hurtful things?

This started the day of his memorial service when I was told I was "being rude" and "enabling myself to feel sad" because I cried after reading the sympathy cards. They act as if I want to feel this way, are disgusted and want me to feel guilty.

Do they really expect me to act happy for their sake? I try but I'm getting tired of propping everyone else up. They have said/done nothing to comfort me in any way and act as though my spouse never existed. It hurts a great deal and isn't helping me heal any.

Appreciate any advice you can give..Thank you

I grieve for my mother who recently passed. Now I feel my family is adrift and not united as before when she reached out to all of us and reminded us that we were a family, no matter what. We're all not communicating like before.

What can we do to begin the process of establishing better communication between siblings?

As most families, we had our spats but love and unity should be the way of family. Let me me know about this issue, and I will also research and look further into your site. Thank you.

I lost my dad about five weeks ago and I am truly devastated. Even though he was a chronically sick man, diabetes, congestive heart failure and high blood pressure, he seemed and acted fine all the time. He was not only my father he was my best friend. I miss him constantly, I think about him constantly.

I had spoken with him and there was something in his voice that was differen. Eight hours later he had a massive heart attack and died instantly. I keep wondering if I could have done something to save him. Should I have insisted he go to the hospital? I am so confused and all I do is cry constantly though not as much as I did a few weeks ago.

I am in a state of disbelief and all of this still feels like a dream, when does that end? Why am I now questioning my tenure as a daughter and if I did everything in my power to be the best daughter?

Most of all, will I ever feel whole again? I know this is a lot but even though I am 41 years old, this it my first real death experience and it hurts so bad it is physically painful.

Why do families tear apart when a parent is dying?

How can siblings avoid, ignore, or cause so much trouble when the parent was so incredible and very involved in all family gatherings, etc?

My mother passed away suddenly in 2007. We were never close as I grew up because she was abusive and addicted to prescription pain medication. I still feel very angry at her sometimes because of the way our relationship was left when she died. Is it normal to feel angry towards somone who is dead?

How do I get over the death of my mother who died on her birthday? We were very close. Wherever she went, I was always there with her. She had Parkinson's disease for over 16 years and never complained. She lived life to the fullest. She was my best friend. The holidays are the worst. I just feel so depressed at times, I miss her so much .The night she went into cardiac arrest, I blame myself because I wasnt there with her. How do I go on? Its been only three months.I can lie in bed and just cry because I miss her so much. I pretend I hear her talking to me. How do I go on?

My Husband passed away just last year, I tried with all my might to breathe air into his asthmatic lungs. I watched as he choked and looked up and rolled his eyes. I tried and tried and could not revive him! Now I have that image in my head of his struggling for air. Over and over it plays. I find it hard to breathe now some nine months later. I also lost my step father and father-in-law all within several months of my husband's death. The grief is so heavy. I find it hard to get past everything! It all haunts me daily.I don't know what I should do. I have kept all my daily routines, working still, but nothing helps me with the heavy grief, crying, and the image of his not being able to breath.

My Name is Sammi. I'm 17. My dad passed on Sept. 30. Honestly, I can’t handle it. My dad and I fought all the time. We never got along because of the past. I had a little girl and he was so happy when I brought her to visit, because he thought he'd never get to see her. I saw him for the last time 15 days before he died, and I have a picture with him and my daughter and me. He looked so sick. How do I get over the fact that he's gone? How do I get over the guilt I have? How do I forgive myself for not getting him help when I saw the condition he was in? I’m depressed about all of this and I don’t know how to do this without him!

Hi, it’s Sammi again. Sorry to bother you, but I have another question. My sister is very depressed because our dad died exactly a week after her birthday, and she just doesn’t know what to do. What can I tell her? She hardly went to visit him and she regrets that very much. How do I tell her that none of it was her fault, and that she shouldn’t blame herself?

My 11 year old lost her father in 2009 and recently lost her Granny. She seems to get angry when people speak about her father and upset/aggravated when they ask how she is doing. Is this a normal reaction?

Russell,

Thank you so much for answering my e-mail and being honest with me.
He has been my everyday living breathing life and soul for 28 years, so I'm just so lost and half here - the rest of me is with him.
Thank you again for taking the time to answer - most don't. Believe me I know!
You are the only one who has!
How can I live a life that's dead?
Because without him I am!

My mother had Alzheimer’s for 15 yrs-she died recently from alleged complications from pneumonia. She was in the hospital for 5 weeks. I think she died from medical error Her death was horrific She suffered her last 2 weeks there. I prayed and begged God to take her and not let her suffer anymore. I am very disappointed/angry with god. 15 yrs of Alzheimer’s and then 5 weeks of pain and suffering at the end of her life. I can accept her death but not the way she died. God's plan for each of us is unknown to us, but what does the bible say about suffering? She had not enjoyed life as we know it for over 15 yrs. She never complained. I feel like she should not have suffered anymore She had served her time. I realize that you cannot explain God's ways, but can you help me move on? I'd like to go back to church with a clean healthy spirit.

How can I explain the death of my parent to a a child with special needs - autism?

The child is a seven year-old diagnosed as 'mild' and presents with ADD on a mild scale. He is able to communicate relatively well. When he describes 'grandma's house' he immediately states that she and his uncle Ed live there. As far as his cognitive ablility is concerened, he can easily play video games and knows not to touch the stove.

He was very close to his grandparent. She would care for him whenever I had to work late or had to leave town on business. He could quickly pick her out in a crowded room and freely accepted and gave affection to his grandmother.

I have been living with metastatic breast cancer for the past 4 1/2 and I feel like I have lost friends and those I have are not very supportive. I am not sure if it is me or that they don't know what to say to me. Is this normal? What might I do to help with this lack of support. I feel lonely and forgotten.

Hi, My mother was everything to me. The week before she passed I was using a lot of crystal meth and I was verbally and physically abusive to her. The day before she died, I said I hated her. I am her next of kin, and I got the phone call that she'd died the next morning. The hospital gave her a bad overdose of medication. Now I am alone, sad everyday, and feeling guilty. I put myself through purgatory and numerous melt downs. Will my guilt ever go away?

I'm 14 and my mom just died. I overheard my school counselors talking and they are worried about me because I haven't cried. I still miss her, but when I cry, it hurts. It makes my eyes burn bad and makes me feel like throwing up. Whenever I got mad or one of my pets died, mom would tell me not to cry cause I'd make myself sick. I don't think I should cry now either. What can I do other than force myself to cry to make people stop worrying about me?

Every time someone talks about my grandpa I feel like crying, but it has been a little over a year since he passed, and we were close. Is it normal to feel that way about someone you were very close to?

How do I stop the ache of just missing my husband. After 41 years together he pased away. He should not have died but God had other plans. It's like I can't breath and on a beautiful spring day I have the worst ache inside because I want to talk to him and see him. The ache of missing him is the hardest thing to deal with.

I have just discovered my ex husband has died. Although he was my ex I still feel as if a huge part of my life has died with him. No one bothered to tell me, or his child that he was even ill. I can't stop thinking about him and wishing I could have at least spoken a few last words to him. I hide my grief from my husband. He has no idea how I feel and would not understand as he is very jealous man. I am confused and don't know how to cope with this. When I'm on my own I watch his tribute video and cry with regret. This can't be healthy but I feel so hopeless I don't know what else to do.

I lost the love of my life on Dec. 23, 2010, two days before our second Christmas. It was a very sad and emotional time in my life, to watch the man I love sooo much pass away in front of my eyes, the feeling of being so helpless, knowing that it was God's wish to take Steve home. Now it is the first Valentine's Day, alone since Steve passed, the feeling I have today is so empty, and alone, I miss him so much, even though we were only married a short time we shared every waking moment we had together and that is what I find so hard today, the empty feeling and the loniness. What can I do to help the grieving?? tthank you, Linda

My friend passed away almost a year ago. We  met in March of 08 and he got me started on my career in the US Coast Guard. He had done so much for me and made me who I am today. Unfortunately I never got the chance to tell him. He knew that March 29th, 2010 was his last day on this earth, but he didnt bother to tell anyone. He died on couch at his residence at 75 years old. He died of prostate cancer. I dont know what to do and I'm severly depressed. Do you think you could give me some pointers? I feel very regretful for not telling him "thank you for everything."

My husband passed away a month ago unexpectedly. I found him deceased when I came home from work. For the past 15 years my sons disrespected him for a mistake he made in the past. One son didn't bother to stop in to see him last year even though he was in the area 12 times. He actually picked a fight with him when my husband was a patient in the cardiac unit. He dismisses this incident even though he was so wrong. The next time he saw his father was in the casket. My other son got into an argument with my husband's brother (his uncle) 6 months prior to his dad's death, owed him $600 which his father so generously lent to him to help him overcome a hard time financially. He never paid the money back. The third son borrowed thousands from us for his education. The day of my husband's death he left a message for his father that he would not get the student loans to pay some of the money back. He himself said that may have contributed to his father's death.

I have a lot of anger for my sons for this callous, insensitive feeling for their father. They never really took the time to know him. Their memories are all negative and they keep logs of their slights and talk only about slights in the past. I have a lot of anger toward them. As if the grief isn't hard enough, I have to think about how they hurt their father. Please tell me how to put this situation into perspective.

Hi. I just lost my mother a week ago and have returned home from taking care of her apartment, car, possessions and her life. My mom was only 48 years old and I am 29. I am worried that the reality of my loss has not quite set in yet. My sleep pattern and appetite have been affected tremendously. I feel physical pain plus odd muscle twinges I did not have before. I am not abusing alcohol or drugs. I was always the strong one in the family and the one who took care of everything and everyone.

My question is if I feel numb am I still grieving? I was only angry for a few days following her death and now I am just sad. More than sad. I understand that this is a traumatic experience but I am worried that the pain I feel will hit me all of once and render me incapable of living the life of a fully functioning adult. Do you think that is reasonable worry? Thank you for the help.

I lost my grandma in October. She raised me almost my whole life. I left home at around 16 years old and I came back to see her every once and awhile. I knew she loved me and wanted me so badly in her life again. The week I moved back my dad told me, go see your grandma. I told him I would but I had things to do for unpacking, and my son. A few days later I get a call from my dad saying she passed away. I kick myself every day that I didn’t say anything to her when I should have.

My dad and I were the only family here in California and took care of her every day. She was the only thing my dad really had. When her funeral came around I never really, truly grieved. I was trying to be strong for my Dad and my son. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. Almost every day something reminds me of her. Every day I cry. I miss her so much. I pray every night, talking to her. I have a picture of her in my truck that I say is my guardian angel. Will I ever be able to accept this? Will I ever stop crying? How do I accept the things I did?

Maha from NY tells us: I lost my dad a year ago and life has not been the same. Every morning I get up and the first thing that comes to my mind is why he left us. I know it was not up to him to decide but he was the best friend I ever had—the person that I look back on every time I fell and see his hands reach out to me.

My daughter who is 3 asked me if she can take the plane to go to heaven, which brought tears to my eyes, because I know she misses him just as much.

Life itself just seems very tasteless, nothing seems to matter. Everything just seems to end with that last breath he took. I can’t go to my parents' house because every time I enter, every corner seems to tell a story of him. I feel like the person that cared for us the most is no longer here and no one else seems to care. I am always in an upsetting mood and my mind just thinks of him at all time.

Belinda from MD writes: My dad went into the hospital on Nov. 15 and died on Dec. 20 of renal carcinoma. He was 73 and his illness was unexpected. We were able to get him home about 2 hours before he passed. I know its natural to grieve over the loss of a parent but I feel so empty and lost without him here. I'm 48 and feel the loss so intensely. I had thought about this happening throughout my life but because it's such a natural process didn't think it would hit me so hard. I just want to be with my Dad. No, I do not plan on rushing my death but I just feel so lonely without him. Is it normal for an adult child to feel like this?

Nancy from CA writes: I lost both my parents this past year a couple of months apart. My mom's death was somewhat expected, but not my dad's. I feel a tremendous loss and pain. I keep capturing all the sad moments of this past year. I feel as though I"m experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome. Do you have any suggestions? I have both of them on my mind constantly. Please help!!!

Tom from AZ laments: I'm always consumed with thinking about my Fathers death!

Katie from IN asks: Does losing someone extremely close to you ever get easier? My best friend was murdered on New Year's 2009. People keep telling me that it will get easier, but the emotions I feel now are just as strong if not stronger with each day that passes. Every day is still as if it is just as fresh as it occured yesterday, I know he wouldn't want us to miss him like this- he would want us to celebrate his life and time here, but I just can't move past this paralizing sadness.

Paula from AR writes: My daughter who is 16, was the driver of a vehicle that had an accident. It spun around and rolled and hit a motorcyclist. The man passed away. She feels so horrible and wants to go to his funeral, we do not think it's appropriate. The family is mourning the loss of a loved one, she wants to pay her respects. What do you think?

Sharon from PA asks: Do we ever really "recover"? It is almost four years since I lost my husband to liver disease. The holidays are still difficult to bear. He would have just had a birthday on which I did not have a good day.And, I can't celebrate my birthday anymore as he died on this day. Don't we just deal with it more-so than recover from it?

Trace from Texas writes:

Just over 6 months ago, my step-father of 30 years was killed by a drunk driver. I'm only using the word step, because in my eyes, it means he chose me. It was my first day at a new job and I had been driving an old family hand me down truck that had seen much better days. Throughout the day I had made some conscious decisions regarding the use of the truck, knowing I might need to call my dad to get me out of yet another jam. To make a long story short, after helping me get the truck running,my dad was following me home. A drunk driver struck him head on and he died in a matter of minutes. I drive this road twice a day, to and from work. Knowing in my heart what went on in my head that day makes everything so incredibly hard to deal with. People say that it was just his time, he was doing what he always did. But I don’t see it like that in any light. I can't see past the only reason he was on that road. I feel like it's easier to say when you don’t expect the blame.

Anonymous from California writes:

My sister-in-law recently passed away. We had a falling out about a year ago. I apologized to her, but she would never accept my apology, or see me again. I am very saddened by her death. My question is how does a person get over this type of loss, when there was no way to reach the person before they passed?

Anonymous from Nevada writes:

I lost my dad to suicide when I was twelve and now I'm sixty, and sometimes still find myself caught up on an emotional roller coaster when I allow myself to think about it. I realize that when this happened there were no support groups to go to and no one to talk to. At the time, anything to do with suicide was just not discussed and people (including clergy) completely avoided the topic at all costs including, my immediate family. However, some decades later, I stumbled across a support group that dealt with this sort of thing and decided to attend. I soon discovered that even though it happened long ago, the aftermath of emotions quickly surfaced as I began to talk. Initially, the group seemed to help, but the more I attended I began feeling overwhelmed by the dire sadness of hearing story after story of others who's losses were more intent and recent. You could hear and feel the pain handed to them by their loved one no longer here and how they too, were beginning a lifetime sentence of complex questions that would never be answered.

I have since, stopped searching for the answers because, there are none, and have tried my best to accept his final decision by agonizing over two realizations after much soul searching of my own. First, I realized that the pain he had been forced to endure for whatever reason, was just too much for him to bear any longer. Secondly, I'm sure had he realized that his pain would be passed onto his family, once he was gone, he may have had second thoughts about going through with it because, I believe anyone contemplating suicide isn't thinking about the aftermath afterwards. Instead, I think they are only thinking about ending their own pain and freeing others of any pain they have caused.

Thank goodness, I don't have to deal with this everyday anymore, but at times, it still catches me off guard and tries to take me down that most dreadful path, once again. I think the most difficult thing that I had to deal with was when I realized how my dad knew it would be his very last time that he would ever see me, but strange as it may sound, I have never been able to remember, that last time with him! Maybe, it’s a blessing in disguise for some unknown reason.

I will be getting your book soon and look forward to possibly finding a tool or suggestion to have to use in the event that I ever need it and wanted to write to thank both of you so very much for touching my heart with your unselfish words of wisdom!

Thank You!

Kimberly from Ohio writes:

I lost my husband of only 18 months, almost a year ago now. We were high school sweethearts. My question is in two parts. First when does the feeling of—it just feels like they are away like they are going to be right back, like even though you went through the funeral process you still have the feeling they will be right back—does this feeling ever leave?

Second part of the question: My kids are really starting to ask if I am going to move on to another relationship? I don't understand the length of the grieving cycle, the different stages per se. I don't want to continue on with someone else until I am for sure I am completely—as well as can be at least in this situation—ready emotionally and mentally. What is a normal time frame for the normal widow to grieve?

Anonymous from WA writes:

My husband, 21 years married and together 24, died suddenly, after having a wonderful day with his boys, grandchildren, our very close friend and myself. He died alone, at home, and was not found for hours afterwards. He had just been through years of hell, alcohol, and had just come out of treatment and was on his way back to his real self. Now he is gone and all that anyone seems to remember about him are the last few years. Why do I have to keep reminding everyone that that was not who he was? I miss him so much but his memory is being destroyed by others around me and I see how it hurts our children—young adults—and I am so torn about how to respond.

Anonymous from Florida writes:

Will I get over losing my ex, friend, grandma and grandpa, and if I do, how will I feel? How can I tell them I love them when they are not here? Why do I blame myself for my grandma's death?

Lorrie fron Indiana writes:

I keep asking myself why me? My son in November, my dad in January, and now, my oldest daughter. Everyone wants to know why I’m so weepy. I have one daughter left [and three grandchildren] and I panic if I don’t hear from her a couple of times a day. I need peace. Apparently I’m a beast they think should be heavily medicated, but my mind overrules that. Thanks for listening.

Justin in Virginia asks:

How do you try to get past what the person you loved did to end their life?

TY from Washington asks:

I lost my son in May when he gave his life trying to save a friend who fell into a creek. Initially I dropped 50#, have now gained it all back, find myself having to eat way more to keep my weight up. What is causing this, is it anxiety? I still find myself waking up every morning, looking around the room, hoping it is not real. I still can't look at photos of him or his most personal possessions. Hardest part is realizing my life will never be the same. I think it is possible to find peace but I will never truly be happy again.

I lost my father this past September. I'm writing this and not really believing it's true, still. I cry every day and night. I was very close with my dad. He had cancer. Doctors told him if he got chemo, he could have 5 more years of life. I believe now, and also then, that chemo is used for monetary gain, as my father only lived a year. It destroyed his immune system.

Why didn't they just tell my dad at his age he'd probably have a better quality of life without the chemo? I guess I know that answer-GREED. They gave my wonderful dad false hope. I remember my dad saying those exact words with tears in his eyes. I keep thinking over and over again in my head, if only I could have had my dad for 5 more years. He did not look his age. He was full of life and had been healthy all his life. He wasn't even on any medication. Instead of covering their behinds (the doctors), they should be honest with people and not just think of the almighty dollar. Sorry for writing so much, but I'm afraid I will never be happy again.

My daughter is 23 years old and is moving away from home (my only child), so it is my mom who I will be around with the most, which is difficult, because it is a very hard time for her. They would have been married 60 years in October. Does the hurt and pain ever go away?

My daughter died in Dec. 2008. She was mad at me for not bailing her out of trouble and had not spoken to me in 6 months despite repeated attempts to communicate with her. The last thing she said to me was that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I never got a chance to say goodbye nor make things right. I can’t find joy in the holidays anymore. I’m having panic attacks that seem to come out of nowhere. I went through two courses of grief counseling. Why is it so much worse this year that last? I feel as if I am regressing instead of progressing. And how do you solve unresolved issues when the person is dead? I've tried and had no results. Do you have any suggestions for me? Sincerely, Theresa

Will I ever feel normal again?

My Mom passed away Easter of 2009. During that time I was caring for her and in school to obtain a Master's degree. When I completed my degree this past May (2010), it felt as if the grief was stronger than ever. How can feelings be so delayed? Needless to say, I keep asking myself if I could have done anything to prolong her life but that seems to make my feelings of sadness stronger. I really thought I would have experienced healing by this time.

This is the second Christmas, but only a year in a half since my mother died. My sister died three years ago and my brother died this past September. The holidays are getting harder and it’s probably because I’ve lost so many people in a small amount of time. I’ve known I was depressed this season. I barely celebrated and that was because I moved into a friend’s basement, with her and her family upstairs. This holiday season at work has been hard because there has been a period of time where about 5 co-workers parents or siblings have died. How do I start feeling a little better? How do I start moving on?

My second request to you has to do with the trite and inane remarks people make to me on the passing of my mother. People who don't know me are "sorry" for my loss. People who do know me call me morbid. I find all of this very distressing. I won't bother you again. Thanks for caring, Sam

My mother, who passed away earlier this year, was an extremely private person and wished to keep her financial information from the extended family, establishing a Trust ten years ago. Due to difficulties with changes in the law, I am now finding cockroaches creeping from the woodwork, so to speak, and I'm having added stress dealing with not only with her passing, but also with those people. I feel violated and I'm experiencing physical symptoms. Please help.

My cousin killed himself over a year ago, and I am still in a state of denia. Is that normal after a year?

My mother recently passed away at the age of 94 and the Christmas holidays were extremely difficult. Even though my mother lived a long life, we didn't get along too well during my younger days and there was much resentment. Now I feel guilty but devastated that I still bear hard feelings, yet am so sad that my mother is gone and we never became loving mother and daughter. How can I overcome the sadness and the guilt?

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from NC writes:

“I lost my father tragically a few months ago. I was a witness to the crime. I am struggling. I put up a good front to others but on the inside I am barely making it. I cry every day. It is hard for me to talk about him. I don't want anyone to talk about him because it makes me sad. I shy away from my daughter when she brings him up. I know that he's gone but for some reason, I am having a very hard time accepting it. I often feel that this is a dream and I will wake up. I miss him so much. I need help, someone to talk to...are there any support groups for family members that have lost their loved ones tragically?”

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from CA writes: “I was wondering if anyone could give me advice about how to stop the small dead, hollow feeling that always surfaces inside my chest over both of my aunts' deaths. Sometimes my chest feels as if it's being squeezed and held in a death grip. It can be suffocating, and hard to breath at times especially when I visit their graves. I have tried for eight years to stop this pain but nothing that I have done can stop it. Please if anyone can give me any advice it would be appreciated.”

Susan, a Tributes.com visitor from CA writes:

“I only had the love of my life for a mere 5 months and no one knew he was gone for a week(long story). I never got to say I love you or goodbye, this pain is so bad I can't function and I want to get through this but how do I and when will I be able to stop grieving?”

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from FL writes:

“I lost my sister when she was 27 yrs old and I was 25. It was such a shock due to a horrific car accident. She left 3 kids behind, who I love with all my heart. It has been 8 yrs now and it STILL hard and STILL can't accept her death. Since her passing, Nothing has been the same...I don't want to enjoy anything. I miss her sooo much and I know my sister would be someone who I could always count on. Will it ever get better? I always think about her and her children and my heart breaks. It really has been a struggle for me, I now deal with depression and panic disorder. I was given a wonderful gift 2 yrs after my sister died, I had a baby of my own and my daughter was born on my sister's anniversary of her death. On that day, It's a bitter sweet but I feel soooo guilty to even crack a smile on that day. Why can't I accept her death? When will I heal?”

Stephanie, a Tributes.com visitor from NC writes: “My sister lost her husband back in July. I have been staying with her every weekend since it happened. She is all alone in her house with their dogs. She never stops cleaning or taking care of the animals. She never relaxes. She stays busy, doesn’t sleep very well. How can I get her to take time out for herself? She is so lost without him. He did EVERYTHING for her. And I do mean everything. He cooked, cleaned took care of the bills...I mean everything. What can I do?? I have gone over early and cleaned for her so she would not have to but she will not relax. Does she need more time? I know it’s only been 4 months, but I am very worried about her and her mental state. I talk to her every day. But what can I say to help?”

Ann, a Tributes.com visitor from KY writes:

“My mother is 89 & suffering from dementia & severe serious health problems. In 2005 my dad suddenly died in her arms. In Nov., 2010, my brother was killed (investigation still on-going). My brother has not had any contact with my Mom for 21 yrs.. Now, my mom sits and cries and says "he was my son." We try to comfort her, but with dementia we feel hopeless not knowing if our words reach her or not. She demands to know how he died and to date we don't know. How can we help her cope? Thank you so much, Ann”

Rebecca, a Tributes.com visitor from OH writes: “I lost my dad suddenly last October on the first. My birthday is the sixth. He was only 49 years old. Will I ever be able to stop being numb and let go? I still think every day that it was a bad dream and wait by the phone for him to call me. Does the loss of a parent ever become bearable. By the way I am only 21. I was a few day shy of 20 when I found out that he had passed.”

Kendal, a Tributes.com visitor from TX writes: “I lost my 3 year old son almost 6 months ago now to a condition that he was born with. Doctors told me that it would happen, but he fought his way back from multiple hospitalizations and complications, I just knew he would be with me forever. I haven’t accepted it, and I desperately need to know how to live again?”

Bobbie, a Tributes.com visitor from OR writes: “My husband was brutally murdered in January of 2010. We had a very strong loving relationship and I do not feel I am doing well at all. Is it possible that after all the court dates and trial, I will feel different, better? The murderer is in county jail awaiting trial. He has not even put in a plea yet. It has been almost a year. Right now, I feel like I could die from a broken heart.”

Jessica, a Tributes.com visitor from OK writes: “My mother died in August at the age of 46. My mother loved Christmas more than any other holiday, and she made Christmas in our family very special. This is the first Christmas without my mother, and it has been very difficult for me and my family thinking about this "joyous" time. I am married with 2 children and I am trying my hardest to put on a happy face for my family, but behind the smile I am very sad and somewhat depressed. I don't know how to get through this tough time w/out feeling this way.”

Al, a Tributes.com visitor from TX says, “I lost my mom in 2007. I took care of her and sort of put my life on hold. I’m 48 and single and all alone. I can’t get over her not being here. I still cry daily. Is that normal?”

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from TX included these comments and concerns in his question:

My mom died in April, 2010. I can't stop thinking about her. There are still times that I think about calling her, and then realize she is gone. I'm not sure that I am ever going to stop feeling this way. I know that I miss her more than most men would miss their moms. I feel so lonely and depressed without her. I never thought I would be so lost. Is this normal at all? Will these feelings ever subside?

“S”, a Tributes.com visitor from Michigan asks: “Why is getting over my dad’s suicide so hard? Will I ever recover? I tried everything. I don’t want to let him go.”

“T”, a Tributes.com visitor from Georgia asks:


My father died in July, 2010. I have been having the same nightmare of me walking in the room and seeing him laying on that bed, cold and stiff, every night since he died. My dad died of cancer and he practically starved himself to death. Because of that, I can’t eat and I have lost 26 pounds. How can I get myself through this hurt and feelings of guilt.

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from MO asks: My friend’s dad died a few months ago, now her brother is hurting himself. She is very depressed is there any way I can help her?

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from LA asks:

I lost my brother and feel guilty for not having talked to him for 2 months prior to his death. We used to share secrets and always could count on each other, but now that he is gone I cannot get over the grief and guilt I feel. After an argument, I erased his calls before listening to them and wish I could take it back.

“P” a Tributes.com visitor from Florida asks:

I lost my husband of 35 years several months ago. I feel like I have gone crazy. I’ve been to a psychologist weekly, church, support groups, I just can’t live like this, and I don’t feel like a have any reason to live. My Dr. said I have detached chronic complicated grief. Is this common?

"N" a Tributes.com visitor from WV asks:

 I lost my husband very unexpectedly 2.5 years ago and am still grieving very deeply. There are days when I just can't function at all and others where I get by. It seems that I will never get over the anger both at him & God. I talk with friends and saw a counselor but neither seems to make much difference. Is this normal? What can I do to help the deep depression and sadness that I feel? It seems the only way I can cope is to sleep or get lost in watching TV.